PHILADELPHIA, PA - Triage units across the country are gearing up for an onslaught of complex spinal injuries, unexplained back injuries, and, in some cases, sudden partial paralysis as preschool and kindergarten students return to classes for the coming year.

Medical experts call this phenomenon "lococrevical maternuspina bifida"-- or, in layman's terms: "step on a crack and break your mother's back".

Volunteers will be patrolling neighborhoods around hospitals, urging children to tread lightly and avoid construction sites.