The remote control for my digital cable box.

A shampoo bottle.

The computer speakers that Apple sells. "SoundSticks", I think they call 'em.

A frozen knackwurst.

Lots of things at Ikea.

Colin Powell. (Doesn’t that sound like a dildo name? "Colon Pal"?)

A chocolate nut-covered banana.

A lightsaber.

Those thick, summer sausages that taste good with cheese.

Actually, lots of Hickory Farms' products.

A thermometer.

Some of the attachments for my vacuum cleaner.

A roll of quarters.

An icicle.

String cheese.

An egg roll.

Beaker from The Muppets.

A Coors Light beer tap.

Anything bronzed.

The tip of an F-15 fighter jet.

My sunglasses case.

Magic Markers.

Certain vases.

A seatless unicycle.

A chimichanga.

A clarinet or oboe.

Chalk.

Um... that’s it. If anyone tries to stick one of these in an orifice, please let me know how it goes. Also, that’s gross.