LOS ANGELES, CA - Retired journalist and current Californian First Lady, Maria Shriver, issued a statement this week demanding that Democratic nominee candidate, Senator John Kerry, cease impersonating her in public.

The statement quotes Shriver as saying, "I am the true nemesis of Eternia! I, and only I, shall lead my evil army down from the highest peak of Snake Mountain to defeat that blasted He-Man, and forever rule his precious Eternia! Castle Grayskull will be mine!"

Senator Kerry’s camp could not be reached for comment.