Sitting at home

In the middle of the day,

I turn on the tube

To find my true way.

Tony, you're there

With your flowing gold locks,

Telling fat people how

To work their buttocks!

With each sway of your legs

On your silent Gazelle,

A baby still sleeps,

And I feel my clit swell.

You and your power pistons

Turn me on so.

I reach a point of climax

That consumes me head to toe.

You've been through so much.

Two car accidents and being gay,

But now you're "America's Personal Trainer"

So I say, "Hip, hip, hooray!"

Brian lost two-hundred,

Diana eighty-one.

I hope to someday lose enough

For you and I to have some fun.

You'll peek through my window

As I'm on my Gazelle.

And we'll talk for hours

About your hair and Norman Fell.

I'm still just over 350,

The weight to even step on,

But I know that someday I'll make it,

Because I have you cheering me on.