RIO GRAND, OH - 77-year-old World War II veteran Bubba "Bubs" Johnson claims that, unlike the majority of his out of touch contemporaries, he has no problems with homosexuality.

"It ain't a big deal," explained the retired construction worker. "Consenting adults can do whatever the hell they want with each other. If a coupla fellers wanna do it, good for them. Same with the gals."

He elaborated, "If one gal wants to, oh, I dunno, call herself the 'Lone Ranger' while wearing a strap-on, and call the other 'Tonto' while doin',.. whatever,.. well, what's the harm in that? Ain't my business, if yens want the truth. The only sex life I give a hoot about is mine, and I get plenty."

When asked to clarify, "Bubs" bluntly declared, "The ladies don't complain, and neither do I."